I’ve taken several since everything happened.
I’ve given lots of thought to what’s next.
It was hard to forgive Him.
It took me years to finally get to this point in my life though.
This point where I’m so sure of who I am.
What I want.
And who I want it with.
He has dealt with me disappearing on Him for years.
The last 4 years I’ve been moving to this point.
Everything has always revolved around Him.
Even though He doesn’t know it.
I needed to be so put together to be His.
To be capable of anticipating His needs, wants, desires all at His whim.
To be one step ahead.
This entire situation set me back. I was so heartbroken. I had been working so hard to be what He needed for 4 years. I sampled several Dom’s. Knowing they weren’t it.
I had to grow and settle down. Get myself under control so I could be under His control. Fully. Completely. Wholly.
My disappearing caused a lot of damage. A lot of disappointment. A lot of doubts.
In my own unorthodox way I disappeared for Him. To be capable of the long term He wants I needed to grow.
I’ve never doubted He was for me. Ever since the first day I talked to Him. A simple “hello neighbor” on fetlife. The conversation progressed. The feelings and desires built. We meshed well and it was an instant spark. I put off meeting Him many times. Seeing Him occasionally in public. Most recently last August while He was shopping with His wife out of town. I was back to school shopping with my broken foot for the munchkin. I felt His presence before I even saw Him.
That’s how it’s supposed to be.
I detached from the world for awhile after that. I needed to recover and prepare to present myself again.
It was hard to forgive Him. When I looked at everything I had put Him through the situation seemed so minimal. Compared to my 4 years of causing Him disappointment over and over and over.
So here W/we are. Retraining myself for Him for the last time as W/we prepare for the next.